The Mediation Revolution: Redefining Divorce for the Modern Age
Divorce — it’s a word heavy with social and emotional connotations. It often heralds the start of a bitter legal battle, pitting spouses against each other and leaving a trail of emotional and financial wreckage. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Utilizing mediation in a Divorce is a powerful and often underused tool, that benefits couples looking to part ways amicably, and with dignity. In this post, we’ll explore what divorce mediation is, why it’s a game-changer, where to find mediators, and the different forms of mediation.
Understanding Divorce Mediation
Mediation in divorce is a form of alternative dispute resolution (ADR) in which a neutral third party — the mediator — facilitates open communication between the divorcing spouses. Unlike the adversarial courtroom process, mediation is a less formal approach that focuses on allowing the parties to reach a mutually beneficial agreement. The mediator does not make decisions but helps the couple outline and agree upon the terms of their divorce. This typically includes the division of assets, child custody, and financial support.
The mediation process begins with both parties and the mediator signing a mediation agreement, acknowledging the rules and expectations. Each party then shares their desired outcomes and concerns, highlighting the most important issues to tackle first. The mediator guides the conversation, encouraging respect and consideration, and helps the couple weigh their options to arrive at a fair and practical arrangement. The best part? When the parties decide on the agreement themselves, they tend to be happier with the outcome.
Mediation can be a viable option for any divorcing couple, but it is particularly suited to those who wish to maintain a cordial relationship, save money or have children to co-parent. Its effectiveness also depends on both parties’ willingness to engage in the process with open minds and a cooperative spirit.
The Mediator’s Role in Your Divorce
A skilled mediator wears many hats during the divorce process. They are part referee, part facilitator, and part legal consultant. Here’s how their unique skill set benefits divorcing couples.
Mediators are trained to create a safe space for meaningful conversation. Through active listening and empathy, they can reframe discussions that veer into contentious territory, focusing instead on shared goals and potential solutions while keeping the parties on track.
The emotional turmoil of divorce can lead to tangential arguments that derail progress. A mediator’s role is to gently steer conversations back to relevant points, maintaining focus on the issues that need resolution to move the process forward.
Providing Legal Information
While mediators don’t provide legal advice, they offer a wealth of knowledge about divorce laws and precedents. They ensure both spouses have a clear understanding of their rights, obligations, and the implications of potential decisions. Many parties choose to hire counsel (an attorney) to attend mediation with them. This can help the parties reach a resolution OR it can hurt the resolution process. It’s important to select an attorney who believes in the benefits of mediation and who understands that the process is client focused.
The Benefits of Choosing Mediation
For couples considering divorce, mediation offers a multitude of advantages over traditional litigation. Some compelling reasons to consider mediation as your primary path to resolution include: time, emotional and physical impact, and cost. The expense of hiring lawyers and appearing in court can quickly add up.
With the average divorce in the US coming in at almost 20k, mediation can a much much cheaper alternative.
Mediation is often a more cost-effective approach, especially when both parties are committed to reaching a swift and economical resolution. It should be recognized that mediation isn’t always “one and done”. Couples often attend multiple sessions to iron out the finer details once the main issues are resolved.
Time Efficiency & Privacy
The backlog of court cases means that traditional divorce proceedings can take months, or even years, to conclude. Mediation usually involves fewer sessions and can often resolve issues in a matter of weeks.
Additionally, mediation is a private process that occurs outside the courtroom. This informal setting can lead to more candid discussions, while allowing couples to maintain their privacy regarding sensitive personal matters. Mediation is confidential. Anything discussed in mediation is private and kept between the parties. Only once the parties have come to an agreement and that agreement is reduced to writing does the information become public.
Finding the Right Mediator for Your Divorce
Choosing the right mediator is a critical step in the divorce mediation process. Here’s how to find a mediator who suits your needs and preferences.
Qualifications and Experience
Look for mediators with relevant training and experience in family law. A credible mediator should be trained in the mediation process, hold relevant experience in family law and NEVER EVER trust a mediator who claims high settlement rates. Mediation is client focused, client led and should never be beholden to resolution percentages. You want a mediator who is fair and impartial — not someone who is trying to boost their success rate for clout.
Compatibility
Every mediator has a unique style or focus area. It’s essential to find someone whose approach aligns with your expectations and comfort level. This may involve meeting with several mediators before making a decision. It is also wise to research the different types of mediation available from that mediator. The two most common, that I have experienced are: Shuttle mediation and Facilitative mediation.
Shuttle Mediation, while the norm in Spokane, WA, is not the standard in most other jurisdictions. Shuttle Mediation is when the parties are in separate rooms and the mediator shuttles back and forth, relaying the information from both sides. This can be a useful method if/when there is a history of domestic violence or other power dynamics, however, it is not generally as helpful in pushing the parties toward a resolution that they want.
DISCLAIMER: In most jurisdictions cases that include DV are excluded from the mediation requirement. However, there are often times that mediation in these cases is appropriate. Speak to your attorney or DV advocate for additional information on mediating in DV cases.
Facilitative Mediation is a process where both parties and the mediator meet in the same room and negotiate in front of each other. Often, this type of mediation allows the parties to see the rational behind each others positions/demands and leads to a more inclusive process. There are ground rules in place to promote respectful communication and when done with the correct mediator, the parties can reach resolution on a variety of topics.
Rebuilding the post divorce relationship
One of the most profound effects of mediation is its ability to foster post-divorce amicability. In several instances, mediation can help teach the parties to communicate through conflict in a healthy manner. This skill allows the parties to continue communicating even after the divorce is complete.
Conclusion: The New Standard for Divorcing Couples
ADR is not just an alternative to the traditional legal process—it’s a new standard in empowering couples to part with fairness, respect, and a focus on the future. Its benefits extend beyond the couple to their children, extended families, and communities. By choosing mediation, divorcing couples are not just saving time and money; they are investing in a more harmonious transition to a new life chapter.
