It’s been 32-ish days since I quit my job and decided to hang a proverbial shingle; 22 days since the Washington State Bar website was hacked, resulting in a shutdown — i.e. not processing bar applications; and exactly 7 days of panic. Why only seven days of panic? Well, seven days ago I emailed the bar association seeking an update and was hit with:
“This site is currently unavailable. Service is in the process of being restored, but we do not yet have a specific ETA.”
Washington State Bar Association
Well, Shit.
For the first time in months, I let the “I told you so” comments sink in. I couldn’t stop thinking about all the people in my life who were waiting for this moment — all the people who wanted nothing more than to see me fail. And I started to panic. I found myself sitting in a completely different state and unable to practice law. I didn’t plan for the cybersecurity attack; and I certainly didn’t plan around it.
However, when Day 8 rolled around I realized that even though I hit a roadblock, I was on the road. Unlike so many others, I took a step in the pursuit of MY dreams and I put myself out there.
The unfortunate truth is that most people would rather be miserable and “comfortable” with their lifestyle, than happy. Lawyers are no exception to this reality. In fact, a recent Above the Law article reported that nearly 56% of lawyers are frustrated with their current positions.
The American Bar Association reported that 28% of lawyers experience higher levels of depression, 19% experience severe anxiety, 23% experience chronic levels of stress, and 20.6% struggle with problematic drinking. Not to mention the 11.5% who reported suicidal thoughts at some point during their career.
These numbers are staggering — especially in comparison to other similarly situated professionals, who reported problematic drinking and depression at less than half the frequency.
These statistics beg the question: What. The. Fuck. I mean, are lawyers really that miserable? And if so, why do they stay?
The subject matter experts report the following to be the culprits: 1) Extremely long hours; 2) Difficult situations/clients; 3) People you work for — tone deaf bosses, overly competitive fellow associates; 4) Stress — deadlines, constant threats of malpractice, anxiety; and 5) Crushing law school debt, low salaries and a rising cost of living.
My guess as to why lawyers stay:
Crushing law school debt; Pride; Complacency; and a fear of failure.
I can attest to each of these, for the following reasons: 1) I am currently living with, or previously lived with all of the above; 2) basically all of my friends are in the same boat; and 3) we, as a society, are conditioned to think a low paying, high stress job somehow equates to success. (Hint* billing 2200 hours per year for $70k and a living wage bonus, really, really sucks).
I spent 3 years in a city that I didn’t love, working in a high stress, low paying job, because I was scared that if I went home, it would be perceived as failure. I was scared to leave the security of a paycheck. I was scared to admit that I was unhappy; and I was scared to bet on myself.
I had allowed myself to believe that I wasn’t talented enough, or smart enough, or experienced enough — and that resulted in three years of heavy drinking, failed relationships and unnecessary stress.
The crazy thing is that I contemplated leaving about a year prior and I allowed myself to be talked out of it. Instead of following my intuition, I let the opinions of others dictate how I lived my life. I let their fear shape my future and that, simply put, is fucking insane.
Truth is → you can leave that shit job and still pay your bills, practice law and be proud of the work you do. You might stumble and fall, but as long as you don’t give up, you won’t fail.
Disclaimer: Although I loved my clients and the incredible work I was doing, I wasn’t feeling fulfilled. Many factors contributed to my leaving Philadelphia, including the desire to be closer to home and closer to my family. #OnceAWestCoastieAlwaysAWestCoastie